Cancer is on my mind almost always. It’s not that I’m fixated on it in a dark and sad sort of way, but rather it’s something I’m in the midst of adding to my repertoire of my life experiences. I’m constantly evaluating how my life has changed so far and how it may change in the near future. I think about the hurdles that have fallen in my way that I’ve managed to jump over since mid-March. I’m stretching my mind and heart to accept all the new information that’s come my way. Like the physical and mental challenges of the Houston Marathon or the almost 500 mile bike ride I’ve done, I believe this is one of those unique challenges that I must figure my way through to completion.
In retrospect, it’s a good thing that with 20 miles of the marathon behind me, Achilles tendons screaming for me to stop, and six more miles to go, I kept thinking, “How can I give up now? I’ve managed 20 miles; I’m more than half way. It will be harder to deal with not finishing than pushing through to the end.” And from days three to seven of the bike ride down the Wisconsin River, I struggled with both an aching knee and a seat tender and raw from too much friction. Each morning, though, I got back on the saddle knowing that if I completed the ride, I’d have proven to myself that my body, and more importantly my mind, was still strong and able.
Now with cancer, I find that I’m faced with the same sorts of thoughts. It almost seems as if the marathon and the bike ride were warm ups for cancer. I am glad that I have these points of reference to call upon. Take for example this last Monday when I went in for two bone marrow aspirations. Realize that this is a procedure done fully awake with only the aid of Lidocaine. I tried as best as I could to remind myself that the pain and extreme discomfort were temporary – same as the screaming Achilles and raw and tender backside. If I took deep breaths and concentrated on relaxing all the muscles in my body, I could “ride” through to the end. And indeed, I made it to the finish line.
The bone marrow aspiration marked the end of the first leg of my cancer challenge. This means I’ve got the battery of tests and surgeries behind me. Tomorrow (Saturday at 10:00 a.m.), my second leg begins. Quite frankly, I’m in a pretty good state mentally and physically. When I saw Dr. Cristofanilli on Tuesday, he helped relieve a great deal of anxiety for me. According to him (and remember everyone is different), I should be able to function quite normally during the first several weeks of chemo. Probably muscle and joint pain two to three days after each chemo treatment, maybe some fatigue, maybe some hair loss (but not until a few weeks into chemo).
I can do this. I know that I may find some moments more difficult than others, but I can get through this. I’ve pushed myself before, so I feel certain I can push myself once again.
-MESSAGES-
Hi Lisa!! Just want you to know I am thinking about you. Happy to read your last Carepages to know how things are going. Hope you and Nat have a wonderful weekend. Keeping you in my prayers. Love, A. J.
Go girl! It's 9:05am on Saturday and I know that your chemo will begin within the hour. You have a magnificent attitude as you approach this and I'm sure it will see you through this next phase. We are at our Farm in northern Michigan, where it is beautiful and serene. I send some of that beauty and serenity on to you. Something to visualize while those chemo soldiers advance on the cancer. Much love, J.
If anyone can do it YOU can do it, Lisa and we'll all be thinking of you today and in the future. Your strength and resolve, and the way you express yourself, give us total confidence in you and your ability to navigate these difficult days. We're with you! Love from E. and N.
On your way Ami and I are sitting in the breakfast room; Ami is reading the paper and I've just come from the gym and the farmer's market. It's rainy and cool and we were talking about what we're going to do today and picturing you and Nat driving from Tonawanda to MD Anderson in your cool car, wondering what were you thinking and saying to each other as this next chapter begins. I love the marathon analogy. You're so right, all those challenges you undertook and the courageous person you are will serve you well... Thinking of you all day. Much love, Ami and Prue
You're right - you CAN do it!!! I just read your post and it is 10:30, which means you are running your "marathon" right now. You can do it!!! Just think of all of us as your cheerleaders on the sidelines of the race, cheering you on. I will be praying for you to find comfort as you get through this difficult time. Hold tight to those positive thoughts.
You are STRONG
You are SECURE
You are MIGHTY
You are DETERMINED
YOU ARE WINNING THE RACE!!!
Thank you for updating us - XOXO, M. :)
You’re in the midst of that race Believe it or not you give the rest of us hope to make it through our very small life tribulations. Your words give me strength to get through my tiny daily challenges. Thank you for what you are giving to the rest of us. I feel so blessed to have you as a co-worker and friend. I am right there with you, Lisa. Keep running your race! Love, S.
You can do this! Lisa, You can do this. You are not alone, you have so many people praying for you and God is listening. Love you, P.